TO WHOMZ IT MAY CONCERN,
l8 last nite my phone, dmz, and mentionz were ringing off the hookz as manzcoin nation alerted me 2 the newz that the shitty ass fast food chain mcdonaldz would be mining their own physical cryptocurrency, “MacCoin”—
The Collectible MacCoin is First Fully Food-Backed Global Currency
“the 1st fully food-backed global currency” sure as hell soundz a lot like “the worldz 1st physical cryptocurrency”… we r less than 1 sentence into this press release & ive already deployed a spanish armadaz worth of lawyerz to pen the ultimate cease & or be deceased letter 2 ronald mcdonald himself
To celebrate the 50th anniversary of the Big Mac, McDonald’s today unveiled the MacCoin, a limited edition global currency* backed by the internationally iconic Big Mac that fans across the world can get their hands on starting August 2 to share, collect or redeem.
geee, “MacCoin” sure does look a like “ManzCoin” doesnt it? hmmmmm. also, cant wait 2 see what fine ass print is accompanying that aestriks u hedging lil punkz
Beginning at lunch time on August 2, customers can receive a MacCoin with the purchase of a Big Mac at 14,000 participating restaurants across the U.S., while supplies last.
“while supplies last” is just a high falutin way of saying MacCoin is a deflationary currency w sound monetary fundamentalz. sound familiar??? also–nice work limiting ur new currency 2 14,00 storez. manzcoin shipped 2 prestigious ownerz across the globe, regardless of location
Starting on August 3 through 2018, customers can redeem their MacCoin for a free Big Mac at participating McDonald’s restaurants in the U.S. and in more than 50 participating countries.
oh how cute… the economistz at mickey deez nutz had the novel idea 2 establish their precious maccoin as both a store of value & a medium of exchange
More than 6.2 million MacCoins will be distributed globally in more than 50 countries while supplies last. These commemorative coins feature five unique designs, each representing a decade of the Big Mac.
6.2 million maccoinz, huh? it’z as if u guyz looked at the total supply of manzcoinz and bitcoinz, split the difference, & then thought ud be crowned the king of fuckin austrain economicz. well i got newz 4 u, ronald: u aint shit. ur the ripple of fast food chainz. i know ppl say imitation is the sincerest form of pattiez, but the only frozen beef i want w/in a 10 mile radius of me is my own cloned & cryogenically frozen cock preserved until my current 1 fallz off from 2 much porkin’. get bent, u big footed clown
*MacCoin has no cash value and is only redeemable for one free Big Mac at participating McDonald’s restaurants through 2018.
ohhhhh there it is. the fine ass print. ya no shit ur lil currency has no cash value, u idiot mcflurry muncherz
now look, a lot of u r wonderin how i could let somethin like this happen. as i said, litigation is already underway & we r gonna sue these assholes until that pink goo they inject into their nuggetz starts oozing out of their ears, but 4 the sake of transparency, i feel like u should know the full story…
since learning about this story, i asked my security & surveillance teamz 4 the footage of my manzcoin officez over the past month. after reviewing the tape, i discovered somethin truly shocking that took place while i was at my las vega$ mansion hosting the gambling olympicz…
thatz rite–late in the evening on july 10th, my manzcoin officez were broken into by none other than the fucking hamburglar himself. more like the manzburglar, now. apparently this zoro lookin motherfucker got a taste 4 the manzcoin and broke into my officez 2 steal a few of my early manzcoin prototypez as well as hard copiez of the manzcoin whitepaper 2 bring back 2 corporate so mcdonaldz could launch their own rival physical crypto.
but here’z the thing–i cut u fuckz red handed. literally red handed. cute mittenz, bro.
with a press release littered w verbiage lifted directly from the manzcoin website & pornographic evidence of a mcdonaldz employee w a history of kleptomania, the gun is billowing w smoke.
ill c u in court mccy d’z. im cummin 4 everything. the 6.2 million maccoinz. the billionz of customerz served. the disgusting playpitz. even those fucking parfaitz. u fucked up and now itz all gonna be mine. THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY
SINCERELY & WITH MUCH LUV,